


Mahal's Halls

by viii



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Gen, I'm Sorry, Post-Battle of Five Armies, this fixes nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-07 23:59:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3188135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viii/pseuds/viii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last thing Fili remembers before the world goes dark is pain and fear. </p><p>When he wakes, the world is bathed in a golden light and yet, he is still so alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mahal's Halls

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a conversation on Tumblr and got inspired. This was written around midnight so please forgive any mistakes.

The last thing Fili remembers before the world goes dark is pain and fear. 

His heart thuds fiercely in his chest and his belly burns hot and bright from the sword's impalement. His blood flows freely from him, dripping wetly down his legs and his breath comes in short, sharp gasps, rattling deep within his aching chest. 

When Fili opens his eyes, nothing hurts. The world is bright and good once more, and Fili is whole and hale. He sits up and probes gently at his stomach - there is no wound there. He rises to his feet and stretches out, feeling his body twist pleasantly with his movements. He feels no pain, he feels like himself - better than himself, even. He has never quite felt so good. 

The world around him is a bright cerulean blue. It's nothing but sky, it's like he is walking on the clouds. Before him stands a magnificent golden hall, with bronzed pillars and stained glass windows. Dwarves appear all around him, their faces drawn in sadness, twisted in pain until recognition lights their features and they disappear through the golden front doors. 

Is Fili meant to follow them?

His feet are moving before he even consciously decides upon it and he climbs the steps slowly. The marble steps are solid underneath his feet and when he touches the handle of the door, warmth spreads through his hand and down his arm. He suddenly feels light, lighter than he has ever felt before and with sharp recognition, Fili realizes he is at Mahal's Halls. 

He steps eagerly through the doorway. 

Dwarves move freely around him, beaming brightly and greeting one another with hugs and violent forehead strikes. Father greets son, brother hugs brother, and the mother dwarves cry with joy as they clasp their offspring to their chests once more. Then, they leave the chamber, departing through another smaller doorway. 

Fili takes a step in that direction before he pauses. He is woefully ignorant of what lies beyond that door, does he really want to rush into anything? He’s safe here, he is certainly _home_ here, but it is still all too new, all too unfamiliar. 

A dwarf bumps into him but they do not stop. Instead, they push on ahead to greet an older female dwarf, sweeping her into his arms and they kiss gently. Fili turns away from their joy and carefully winds his way through the crowd to press against the wall. He keeps his back to the wall and wraps his arms around his middle. 

Slowly, the minutes pass and the chamber grows emptier and emptier by it, until Fili is the last dwarf in the chamber. Many were reunited and departed and many left on their own. But he stays still by the wall, afraid to move. He has not the courage to go through the doorway alone. 

Closing his eyes, he waits. 

Finally, the outside door pushes open once more and a new wave of dwarves pour in, some laughing jubilantly, some faces drawn in sorrow still. And behind them all comes a figure that for once in his life, Fili never, ever wants to see again. 

"Fee?" 

"Kili," Fili whispers, staring at his brother in horror and dismay. Kili is too young to die, Kili has too much to live for. He is to be Thorin's heir now, he is to be the hope of their people. 

He is not supposed to be here of all places. 

"How _could_ you?" Kili suddenly shouts, running across the yellow floor and they collide with a thud, Kili immediately punching Fili's chest. "I saw you _die_!"

"It was not my intention," Fili says defensively. "I died protecting you, I died for Thorin and for Erebor! I did not wish to die but I don't regret it."

"Do you know what it feels like to exist in a world where your brother does not?" Kili says quietly, suddenly crying, tears dripping down his reddened cheeks. "It is a horrible, horrible feeling."

"As horrible as knowing that your baby brother, the one you are responsible for protecting, is forced to watch you die," Fili says, drawing Kili against his chest and he hugs him tightly. "I didn't want you to ever see that. And I did not want you to follow me here."

"I had no choice," Kili drops his hand to the middle of his chest and rubs as if there is a phantom ache there. "The sword went clean through me."

"Oh, Kili," Fili closes his eyes and presses their foreheads together, his chest tight and his eyes watering. "I did not want this for us."

Kili sucks in a shuddering breath and pulls away, wiping his forearm across his eyes. "What of Amad?" He whispers brokenly. "Who will look after Amad?"

"Thorin, I suspect," Fili says, although he’s not entirely positive. Thorin struggles at the best of times but he would have the help of the Company now. Fili has not yet seen any other member pass through the golden doors, a gift if there ever is one. 

Kili laughs, low and wet, for the thought of Thorin caring for their mother is an amusing thought. Even in her grief, she will be the one to look out for him, for Thorin has never been able to care for anything. His thoughts have always been occupied with dreams of Erebor but now he has claimed the mighty mountain and he shall be King. 

“Where do we go from here?” Kili asks, taking a moment to look around the chamber properly. “This doesn’t seem to be our final resting place.”

“No, I have seen dwarves go beyond those doors there,” Fili points. “We could go, if you wanted.”

“I’m scared,” Kili admits and he’s crying again. “I feel cold, deep inside. I want to go home, Fili. I don’t want to be here. Please, can we go home?”

“This is home,” Fili says numbly, for it pains him to admit such a thing. He can hardly take it all in for himself but when Kili is so visibly distressed, it is up to him to remain calm. 

They are so much alike in death even as they were in life. 

"Can we just stay here?" Kili asks bleakly, taking Fili's hand into his own - something he has not done since he was small. 

"Yes, we will wait," Fili says, pulling Kili backwards until they reach the spot at the wall where Fili had waited all alone. "Someone will come."

All their lives they have had someone to tell them what to do. 

In the beginning it was their father, with his golden hair and booming laughter, sweeping them into hugs and telling them to mind Amad like the good lads he knew they were. And after he had gone and Amad had stopped crying, they listened to her and Thorin both, one of them always had a special instruction for them. It followed by Balin teaching them their lessons and Dwalin training them how to spar and keep each other safe. 

They have always had somebody to tell them what to do next and now they are so very alone and this new world stretches out before them. Fili is responsible for his brother once more, and he has no one to guide them. They are cold, and they are scared, and even though he knows he shouldn't, Fili desperately wishes to see their kin come sweeping through the doors. Amad would hug them close and Thorin would touch their heads gently. Balin would explain exactly what was going on and who could be afraid when Dwalin was near?

But they are not coming and so they must learn to live now on their own.

The time passes slowly, the room fills and empties, fills and empties. Neither of them wish to watch the other dwarves anymore and so they sit on the floor, shoulder to shoulder with their heads pressed gently together. Kili's tears dry on his cheeks, leaving pale tracks to show where they had once been. Fili's hand grows sweaty and damp from being held for so long but he does not pull away. His brother needs him. 

"How long do we wait?" Kili finally whispers, breaking the silence that has stretched thin between them. 

"As long as it takes," Fili replies, wishing he felt as confident as his words sound. "Someone will come."

“My boys,” a deep voice says, a voice that Fili would know anywhere in the world. It is a voice that taught him and scared him, a voice that reassured him and made him feel safe and loved. It is Thorin’s voice, and it breaks Fili’s heart to hear it here. “My boys, welcome to Mahal’s Halls.”

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr @ viiiuniverse


End file.
